Ready For Takeoff

Well, hello again. Recognize me? No? I don’t either. Not even the dust bunnies on my own blog recognize me. Michelle here. Signing on for the first time since Colton’s V-card was still a thing.

There are so many pretty faces in Peter’s lineup of potential wives. Currently placing bets on who will bring along the biggest bag of crazy.

But of all the pretty faces, here's the prettiest one

Peter's girls:

Alayah, 24

Orthodontist Assistant

San Antonio, TX

Starting off the list is a beauty queen from the Lone Star State. And it only took her four times to win. She’s a girl’s girl. She likes wine. She’s not interested in a proverbial ball and chain. The girl has goals. For instance, she’s ready to make babies with Peter. The teaser implies a visit from past faces. Possibly the queens from the first three Miss Texas pageants?

Avonlea, 27

Cattle Rancher

Fort Worth, TX

Well yeehaw, sister. I’m all about a city-slicker who knows how to handle a ranch, bale hay, and milk cows who like to be talked to. She also plays the guitar and likes a good bonfire. The only thing that could make her more perfect is if her middle name were Marykay.

Alexa, 27

Virtual Assistant/arch enemy of Michelle Esthetician

Chicago, IL

Aside from the fact that this cutie shares a name with my hateful living room assistant, she seems like a winner.  Who here thinks her first date will involve roller coasters?

Courtney, 26

Cosmetologist

Venice, FL

Ol’ Courtney ain’t messing around with boys anymore. She’s ready for a real man. Nevermind the fact that he needs to meet an extensive list of specific criteria. I’m sure there’s a Harlequin Romance waiting out there somewhere on her beach, where her perfect man is wearing cowboy boots.

Deandra, 23

Home Care Coordinator

Plano, TX

Well there is no shortage of Texan women this season. Peter must have a type. But somehow, I don’t think Deandra is it. Based on her own description, the most important thing to Deandra is Deandra.

Eunice, 103 23

Flight Attendant

Chicago, IL

Looks like Eunice is a reformed party girl slash bad boy dater. She likes to knock back ouzo in Greece. Maybe she’s not so reformed after all. And who besides me had to Google ouzo?

Hannah Ann, 23

Model

Knoxville, TN

Talented artist. Still lives at home. Hoping to someday find a windmill house of her own.

Jade, 26

Flight Attendant

Mesa, AZ

Jade is currently working toward her pilot’s license. Raise your hand if you think she started the program the day she was picked for the show.

Jasmine, 25

Client Relations Manager

Houston, TX

Let me say this loud enough for the people in the back. Jasmine is NOT here to mess around, y’all. She wants Chick-Fil-A on Sunday and that’s that. I mean, what woman doesn’t?

Jenna, 22

Nursing Student

New Lenox, IL

She’s fun. She’s down to earth. She has a trivia team. She plays darts. She’s a foodie, She loves Chrissy Teigen. She bowls. And she knows how to knit. Check, check, double check, all the checks. Top 5 maybe?

Kiarra, 23

Nanny

Kennesaw, GA

She says she can “literally” talk to a brick wall about anything and everything. She’s either abusing the word literally, like half of America, or she talks to brick walls. It’s a hard no for me either way. Bye.

Katrina, 28

Pro Sports Dancer

Chicago, IL

As I’m reading along in her biography, I tried to ignore the weird prediction of her sister’s possible (but maybe not) engagement. I cringed at her mom’s use of the phrase “biological clock is ticking.” But the hairless cat. *RECORD SCRATCH* I’m done.

Kelley, 27

Attorney

Chicago, IL

Make no mistakes, Kelley does NOT need no man to take care of her. Nuh-uh, no way. Gluten free bra burners unite.

Kelsey, 28

Professional Clothier

Des Moines, IA

She says she is like an onion - she has many layers. Oh, Ashley S., not this again. And dare I ask what that profession is? Rachel Green at Ralph Lauren? Pushy sales clerk at Gap? Fitting room attendant at TJ Maxx? Do tell, this small town girl wants to know.

Kylie, 26

Entertainment Sales Associate

Santa Monica, CA

Kylie is picky with guys she’ll kiss? Something tells me that’ll change real soon. Her mom is all about some Peter. Hashtag cougar claws.

Lauren, 26

Marketing Executive

Glendale, CA

She seems to have her life together. Her career is thriving. She has good male influences in her life. She believes in chivalry and Jesus. And she values a good game of tonsil hockey. Okay, girl. You got this. Although the exit interview thing is a little weird. But I’m not judging.

Lexi, 26

Marketing Coordinator

NYC

Beautiful hair award. Hates frogs so badly that a room full of them is less appealing than dying a fiery death. Violent. She also hates desperate people. Strap in, Lexi, you’re about to be trapped in a room full of desperate women. Are the frogs sounding better by the minute?

Madison, 23

Foster Parent Recruiter

Auburn, AL

Her career alone! *heart eyes* AND she’s athletic, beautiful, grounded, and aspires to someday open an orphanage. What box DOESN’T she check? Peter better love her.

Maurissa, 23

Patient Care Coordinator

Atlanta, GA

Former beauty queen who left her old life and her old man for a healthier path in Atlanta. Seemingly mature beyond her years. Super pretty but probably not the most exciting firework in the tent.

Megan, 26

Flight Attendant

San Francisco

Do you ever just get a ‘feeling’ about someone? Someone like, let me see, a self-proclaimed facemask enthusiast? She checks a lot of boxes on paper, so we’ll see if she’s really Peter’s type or if she was cast for ratings. Not that they do that or anything.

Mykenna, 22

Fashion Blogger

Langley, BC

I have nothing. If this biography doesn’t win him over, her brown eyes will.

Natasha, 31

Event Planner

NYC

I like Natasha. I also want to join her disco yoga class when it gets off the ground. I just hope her biography isn’t too good to be true. Either way, it appears she’s “coming in hot!” so everyone look out. She plans to make her presence known, yet somehow remain mysterious. Let’s go.

Payton, 23

Business Development Rep

Wellesley, MA

Ok, red flag in the first sentence. She goes into a bar and leaves with 100 new best friends. I know the type. She’d rather put her energy into meeting new people and looking “popular” than spending quality time with her real friends. Strike one. She claims her ex got jealous of her social life and started trying to control her. My translation: selfishly, she barely made time for him so he asked her to tone it down and she called it controlling. Strike two. Always wants to be the life of the party and loves talking to strangers. Again, more worried about making a splash and making new “friends” than focusing on the current ones. Strike three. Sorry, party girl. I’ve known girls like you. Bye.

Sarah, 24

Medical Radiographer

Knoxville, TN

I always like a cute little Tennessee girl. I root for the thick accent. Seems adventurous and bubbly. I kinda hope she steps out of the limo singing Rocky Top.

Savannah, 27

Realtor

Houston, TX

Somewhere, Savannah’s face is on a big billboard. Anyone else creeped out by billboard faces? No? Just me? Ok. Sounds like she experienced her own Ross & Rachel situation… WE WERE ON A BREAK! Wonder if this girl worked in a copy place too. Since I don’t watch the Kardashians, I had to Google Vampire Facial. Ummm, no thanks. She is probably perfectly pleasant but I smell high-maintenance.

Shiann, 27

Administrative Assistant

Las Vegas

She likes skydiving and horseback riding. There is something wrong with every man she’s ever met. She can’t find love. But apparently she has a pretty impressive lower back so there’s that.

Sydney, 24

Retail Marketing Manager

Birmingham, AL

Syd is fresh off of heartbreak. Gee, can’t wait for that one-on-one. Oh, Michelle, be nice. She believes a good jog is worthy of a cupcake as reward… that’s more like it!

Tammy, 24

House Flipper

Syracuse, NY

Girlfriend killed it on the boys varsity wrestling team! Peter better behave or he might get tossed out a windmill window. She also claims she doesn’t relate well to the “blonde Barbie” types. I don’t personally appreciate the hair color hate. But I assure you Tammy doesn’t care what I think. She isn’t afraid to ghost those she’s tired of.

Victoria F., 25

Medical Sales Rep

Virginia Beach, VA

Victoria seems to have Googled what she should say in a casting interview. Well, except the part that says she wants a man who isn’t afraid to cry in public. Ummmm, pretty sure most men would only do that if you got violent with their family jewels.

Victoria P., 27

Nurse

Alexandria, LA

Who else wants to know what was in the video? If you read her biography, you know what I’m talking about. It appears she had to mature sooner than many girls so I have a feeling she isn’t going to be the drama queen this season. *fingers crossed* Plus she is insanely gorgeous, on top of being a southern girl and a nurse. Based on first impressions, she’s in my top three. Please, sweet baby Jesus, let me be right.

It looks like we pretty much have a who’s who of the midwestern and southern states, with a few outsiders mixed in. Oh, and conveniently, a few flight attendants. As always, I can’t wait for this season. But one thing I’m not pumped about is Hannah B’s return. Ugh. Just go away already. I’m still harboring some serious resentment over her not picking him in the first place… incase you couldn’t tell.

Anyhoo, there’s my initial reaction to the biographies posted online. I’m sure I’ll be wrong about most of them. Happy viewing tonight, lovely readers!