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Sunday, January 1, 2017

Judging The Book By Its Cover

In the words of Matthew, alright, alright, alright.

Hello and happy 2017, lovely readers! It's go time. Time for a new season of The Bachelor. Time for me to have every intention of blogging every single week. Time to prioritize differently this time around and follow through with my intentions! :)

Before we go on, feel free to take a minute to join my fantasy league. Download the ESPN Fantasy League app. Then you can find and join my group with the user name SayHelloToMyLittleRose, all one word. Or you can click on the app icon below:




Let's take a look at the ladies.

http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelor/cast

And let's form our own preliminary opinions (and maybe judge a little) based solely on the pictures and bios. Don't worry, contestants, we really are good people.

Alexis
23, Aspiring Dolphin Trainer
Secaucus, NJ
Dolphin trainer? Can't live without fake eyelashes? Mustache? And she wants to be a mermaid. Oh well, at least she's a caring, romantic and honest lover.

Angela
26, Model
Greenville, SC
Oh how I (insert air quotes) love when these girls list model as their occupation. I have zero against models, but the word model can mean pretty much anything. I stood in a retail store window one time wearing their apparel. I was also in a local commercial for an athletic club. Does that make me a model? She has good taste in movies. And now we're 2 for 2 on the adventurous girls who have the same claim to outrageousness.

Astrid
26, Plastic Surgery Office Manager
Tamp, FL
Astrid... as in a rock orbiting the sun? Oh wait, never mind. Again with the lashes being vital to life. I know a couple of girls who like to wade in the shallow end of the kiddie pool. I'm sensing a mermaid theme happening here. Consider me the confused-face emoji. I gotta say, though, I'm a little curious about the horse history. Do tell, Asteroid, do tell. And tell us before you get wrinkly, please.

Briana
28, Surgical Unit Nurse
Salt Lake City, UT
Ok, she had me at Friends. Well she would have if I didn't already know she belongs to the mermaid club. And let's not overlook her outrageous feat. Bet ya can't guess what it is.

Come on, girls, where's your originality?!

Brittany
26, Travel Nurse
Santa Monica, CA
Thank you, little 5 foot 2 inch Britt. Thank you for being the first one to land on my radar. A girl who values chocolate and music is a girl I can relate to.

Christen
25, Wedding Videographer
Tulsa, OK
I like her aspirations of being a proverbial fly on the wall in the White House. But honey, a storage closet? At least aim for the patio set on the Truman Balcony. Now THERE'S a life goal. Despite my hunch that she has her own hole in the ozone layer from hair spray use, I'm going to give her a chance.

Corinne
24, Business Owner
Miami, FL
Upon first look, I see someone who may or may not turn out to be giggly and obnoxious. She kinda reminds me of a girl who makes bad decisions. As I clicked on her pic, I was hoping to open a bio that painted a different picture. But nah.  She's getting her 'hidden' (and undisclosed) tats lasered off... so there's that. She picked Chicago as the city she sees as most romantic. Hmm, go figure. Real creative, sis. She wants to be Snow White so she can snag Cinderella's husband? Got it.

Danielle L.
27, Small Business Owner
Los Angeles, CA
Oh, Danielle L., I already like you! Drop dead gorgeous, says all the right things, wants to be a gladiator in a suit, didn't mention mermaids or moving. What's not to like.

Danielle M.
31, Neonatal Nurse
Nashville, TN
Tall, neonatal nurse, lives in Nashville, need I read on? Ah but I did. Guess what. In an outrageous twist to her life, she moved! Novel idea. She's getting her tramp stamp removed. She wants to eat ice cream in a state where doing so is against the law. Is that even a thing? But she has a sad story, so I'll try not to be toooo quick to judge.

Dominique
25, Restaurant Server
Los Angeles, CA
She could be any animal and she picks a flying bird. Soooo she wants to be able to drop deuces on people. Oh wait, she wants to fly around the world. My bad. I love Scandal something fierce, but Dominique states that she wants to be involved in a "hot love triangle with two gorgeous men"... let's not forget one of them is married. What are you saying, Domino? And I don't like your yellow top. Ok, now I feel better.

Elizabeth, "Liz"
29, Doula
Las Vegas, NV
I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies. But Liz does. And she's apparently piecing together a body tattoo. And she has Happy Gilmore syndrome. And she likes picking her nose in the car. And when asked what she never wants to do, she busts out with "kill someone". Oh my. Couldn't have gone with eat worms? Or bungee jump? Or poop in public? She may be pretty but run, Nick. Hop on Domino's wing and fly far, far away.

Elizabeth, not "Liz"
24, Marketing Manager
Dallas, TX
Ok, so just when I thought wanting to be Britney Spears was gonna be the thing, I read her phobias. I get the claustrophobia part. But what the heck with that other one. She told us to Google it so I did. Since I sometimes am annoyed by loud chewing, does that mean I have Misophonia too? Careful, Nick. Dial back the ice crunching so she doesn't throat punch you.

Hailey
23, Photographer
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
I wanna know more aboot her 7 tattoos. A bobby pin? And Hank who? Azaria? Aaron? Williams? Willaims Jr.? She says she's into making out all the time. Well she'll fit right in on this show! Especially with this bachelor. She has some good answers, but I'm sorry, I can't like the butterfly disrespect. It's too wrong.

Ida Marie
23, Sales Manager
Harlingen, TX
She may have a name befitting of someone who sat for oil paintings but she has a cute little youthful face. Also, she picked the animal I would've. She says she needs to read more books. That's code for 'I don't read'. Ha! Another something we have in common. I just like her answers. I like little Ida Marie. I'm pulling for her. As long as she doesn't turn out to have a squeaky voice.

Jaimi (her last name is King, but that's beside the point)
28, Chef
New Orleans, LA
I sure like that she's a chef. And I mostly liked her answers after that... until she disclosed her 378 syllable dietary specifications. And she looks like a man, sooooo.

Jasmine B.
25, Flight Attendant
Tacoma, WA
Well she's a little cutie but we'll see how she likes being one OF SEVERAL being chased.

Jasmine G.
29, Pro Basketball Dancer
San Francisco, CA
She has a tattoo inside her lip. Did you hear me? INSIDE her lip. Stop it, Jasmine. I can't focus on anything else. But seriously. Inside the lip?

Josephine
24, Registered Nurse
Santa Cruz, CA
Well, she's 5'7 3/4"...whatever you do, DON'T forget that three quarters of an inch. I'm assuming that's to distract us from the honker. - Wait, who said that? - Somehow most of her answers confuse me. And I won't even comment on that last one.

Kristina
24, Dental Hygienist
Lexington, KY
My oldest and dearest gal pal is also from Kentucky, so this girl scores a point right off the bat just based on geography. But her bio. Oh my heart. She's articulate. She's deep. Her answers are meaningful. Plus she's super cute. Write it down, little Kristina will go far.

Lacey
25, Digital Marketing Manager
Manhattan, NY
Shakespeare and Joe Jonas? Interesting. I'm impressed with the second language. I like her family values. But I can't get past the feeling she is a third Wilson sister from White Chicks.

Lauren
30, Law School Graduate
Naples, FL
I tried to read her bio, I really did. But I think I dozed off. But her last name is Hussey so.

Michelle
24, Food Truck Owner
Los Angeles, CA
I like her name. I like her occupation. I like her outrageous thing. I'm sensing when she was asked to describe her ideal mate, she may have misinterpreted it as ideal pooch. But she has great teeth!

Olivia
25, Apparel Sales Representative
Anchorage, AK
She's a pretty thing. And she was the kicker on the HS football team? Go girl! And hey, I like Nicholas Sparks, too! So what if it's the movies and not the books. We've already established I don't read. She's afraid of spiders. I feel you, girl!

Rachel
31, Attorney
Dallas, TX
She's pretty, clearly she's fit and she has a great profession. But she may or may not have a strange addiction to tattooing career terminology on her body. She's a catch for somebody but we shall see if she is for Nick.

Raven
25, Fashion Boutique Owner
Hoxie, AR
By default, I know I should root for this fellow Arkansan. But her interview questions. She could be anyone else for a day and she wants to be a pre-schooler. She could be any fictional character and she picks a cartoon character. She picked an actress that's dead. And admitted she's a terrible cook. Maybe she could've given more thought to her (nationally published) answers, that's all. But based on Facebook posts and local rumors, she appears to have made it far. Maybe even all the way to hometowns. So I'm anxious to see her on the show.

Sarah
26, Grade School Teacher
Newport Beach, CA
Since I watch (probably too much) Modern Family, I can easily say that if Sofia Vergara and Sarah Hyland could produce a daughter, this would be her! So obviously she's beautiful. Plus she's a teacher. Her political views align with mine so yay for that one. I think she's gonna be a sweet one.

Susannah
26, Account Manager
San Diego, CA
I like her embarrassing moment! A girl who can be klutzy and then laugh at herself is a girl after my own heart. Buttttt, she TOO wants to be a mermaid. Gimme a break, girls! Was there a Little Mermaid poster in the screening room? Her guiltiest pleasure makes me laugh and feel sorry for her all at the same time. Mark my words, she'll be dingy.

Taylor
23, Mental Health Counselor
Seattle, WA
Why am I scared of her? She looks like she's gonna punch me and then choke me out with one of those earrings. And "look bomb"? Is that still a thing? Her answers are choppy, and she oozes testosterone. I predict she has a big loud voice and is aggressive.

Vanessa
29, Special Education Teacher
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Careful not to forget that extra half inch in her height. These girls are serious about that stuff. She wants to be an onion. Ok, Ashley S., please tell us about all of your layers. And then tell us about that freaking promise ring, preferably in French.

Whitney
25, Pilates Instructor
Chanhassen, MN
Uh oh. I smell a politician. She likes everything, says what sounds right, and has no regrets. Her skeleton closet is probably full.


We are barely over 24 hours away from the season premiere!! Get ready! Get your watch parties going, get your predictions made, and let's do this!





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