Episode 8, Meet the Parents

The episode I wait for all season...hometowns! It’s the show where the crazy is revealed. Some hide their black sheep during hometowns, some let the freak flags fly. Previews have shown us some things that have me anticipating flags flying around on Courtney’s hometown. We shall see.

Linzi. Ocala, FL. A sign saying beware of alligators. Huhhh? Of course she is trotting around the horse track when Ben arrives. Is that track hers? If so, sweet ranch! Not a lot interesting happened on this portion of the date. They ride off on a white horse named Devin. I miss the pretty black and white one from episode one. Over the hills and through the water and in the river and under the mountains and over the woods and through the river...or something like that.

They pull up to a settee area in the middle of nowhere. Her Mom introduces the family pups as Lindzi’s siblings. A hint of a flag? Borderline unhealthy/obsessive attachment to an animal? At this point, I think we can safely deduct that Lindzi is an only child. I hope so anyway. Her Dad’s name is Harry. I want Ben to ask where Lloyd is. Sorry, that was uncalled for. But I always go there when I hear the name Harry. The only thing overshadowing the Dumb and Dumber reference is the fact that his last name is Cox. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Harry Cox. What cruel parents he must have been born to.


Anyway, Harry and Margee break Ben in by making him haul them around in a carriage. Pretty sure manual labor isn’t the way to win a guy over. But oh well, I’ll try not to hate on them. After all, I do like Lindzi and those are her parents. I’ll be good. So Ben sits down for a chat with mom jeans. She talks about the family’s love of horses. What’s that they say about people looking like their pets? Shame on me. Mom jeans seems like a nice lady. After that, Ben sits down with Dad to sip drinks from a hillbilly wine glass. That’s really what they’re called, by the way. I’m not sure ole Harry has much of an opinion about anything. Pretty laid back guy. They make s’mores and toast with those same hillbilly wine glasses. Probably the most boring hometown ever.

Kacie. Clarksville, TN. Ben is greeted with a marching band and Kacie working that baton. It’s hard for me to say anything sarcastic or humorous about this part of the date because 1) I love Kacie, and 2) the conversation was too serious to poke fun at.

On to dinner with Ward and June Cleaver. As suspected, our winemaker found out what it was like to have sweet tea with dinner. Kacie goes off with her well-dressed sister to get her opinion. Sister is a little too camera shy to have a lot of input, though. Benny has a talk with Ward, as his butt falls asleep in the hard chair he’s forced to sit in. Daddy dearest isn’t the most welcoming of hometown parents in Bachelor history. He tells Ben that if he’s not feeling Kacie, send her to Dumpsville. Well not in those words, but you know. Then June warns him that she has a serious problem with the thought of them moving in together. Really? Didn’t she get the memo that this is 2012. Sorry, I just don’t get that mindset. Premarital “stuff” takes place with or without a shared address. Anyway, before I get on my soapbox about closed minds, I’ll move on. But for the record, I’m not digging these people and their antiquated views on life. Too much judgment going on here. Somehow, I feel Ben feels the same about them. The goodnight kiss was a little less passionate than past kisses. Red flag instead of freak flag.

Nicki. Fort Worth, TX. Ben loves Texas. Texas horses. Texas steer. Texas Nicki. They start off down at the stock yards. They boot shop where the mullet still lives. Ben buys a Clint Black hat which looks completely REdonkulous on him. Nicki gets the tackiest hat in the store. They come out wearing whole new outfits. And that belt buckle. Oh the belt buckle. Then they head off to a rose garden to sip their wine. That lovely southern humidity takes its toll on Ben’s locks. Either that or he bought a Chi down at the stock yards. After some rather pleasant conversation, they head to her house, stepping out of the SUV in the clothes/shoes they had on pre boot scoot boogie. This just gets more confusing by the wardrobe change. This family seems a bit more welcoming than Kacie’s. Her Mom tells us how much she likes Ben. Rawrrr, Mrs. Robinson. This Dad seems so genuine and loving. All Dads should be so smitten with their little girls. My favorite parent of the season. Yes I realize we still have another family to meet. But c’mon. I feel confident that this doting Dad will not be topped.

And lastly, crazy Courtney. Scottsdale, AZ. She has an interview clip where she seems to be having some sort of revelation about her behavior. She acts apologetic and regretful about how she’s acted. And she has some ocean front property in her back yard she’d like to sell us.

Dad has been practicing his politician introduction and firm handshake. They gather around the patio table where Rick-Robertson-nice-to-meet-you adjusts his sweater vest, brushes back his Elvis hair and toasts Ben’s arrival in his house. Two-tone haired sister shows us her weird mouth, too. And Ohhh Emmm Geee I really wish the camera man would’ve kept his distance from Cloris Leachman because that chick is scurrrrry! And at least 102 years old. At least now we know where Courtney gets that oh-so-irrrrritating voice. Weird lip and weird mouth go for a chat, where they mirror image each other with that cackling mindless giggle. Dad sits in deck chairs and philosophizes about love and gambling, and their relation to one another. He’s still working on his 12 steps. Weird lip now sits for a chat with Cloris and her weird voice. Does she have two brain cells to rub together in order formulate a thought? Seriously what’s up with this family. It takes a special set of parents to make Courtney look like the normal one. Oh but fear not, my rose colored glasses are NOT broken. I still see this girl for what she is. A hateful, vindictive, insecure, mouthy little shrew. And those are only the words my censor let through.

Finally he is free of the weirdos family. Weird lip takes him to a mock wedding. What the. How fitting that she wore a white dress today. And ohhhh, what do ya know, she just so happens to have some vows and a bow tie in her purse. Because no girl leaves home without those two things. The coincidences on this show never cease to amaze. She pretends to make hers up right there on the spot. But let’s be serious. The girl found Google last night and did a search for something to write down.

This whole hometown was one big freak show. An Elvis impersonator slash politician slash gambling addict, a mousy-voiced moron and a clone of a sister. Good gracious at the weird.

Courtney may not get the man, but she is securing her spot on the next Bachelor Pad....which, for the record, I suspect was her whole agenda this season anyway.

And after a let down of a show, they go back to LA for the first time since week one. Chris is waiting there to hear all about the visits.

The girls are all nervous at this rose ceremony. Ben’s nervous. I’m nervous. But it has to be narrowed to three. Someone has to go. As the moment approaches, I feel frightened for Kacie. Her beauty, kindness and sweet personality may not have been enough to overshadow the fact that she comes from the Cleavers.

First rose goes to Courtney. Well of course it does. I called this one last week. He wants an overnight because he knows...well, you know. Something about a sure thing.

Next rose - Lindzi. None too surprised. Boring hometown but he seemed to enjoy it.

And lastly, Nicki. They were definitely a good fit. Plus she seemed to have a more normal family than the others.

Sweet Kacie leaves us. Her parents shot her in the foot. Lighten up people. Evolve. I honestly feel like they ruined it for sweet Kacie. Her little rant in the limo exposed a distraught side of Kacie and a bit of a potty mouth. Uh-oh, Daddy isn’t going to like this.

Next week, Switzerland. Overnights. Romance. Mystery woman. Could it be Ashley? Could it be Casey? Could it be Kacie? Who knows. Either way, we are sure to see some drama go down next week. Hopefully anyway. We need some excitement up in here. I find myself wishing time away. I’m ready for this season to be over. How is it that a Bachelor I was so in love with a few weeks ago is slipping so rapidly down my list. I’m bored. At this point, I hope he does end up with Courtney. They are two peas in a pod. Maybe if he picks her, they’ll last long enough that she won’t be cast on the next Bachelor Pad.

Until next week, Bachelor fans.

Your parting picture...a mock wedding with lattice and potted grass. A white unflattering sundress. Untanned legs. Flat hippy hair. Big orange-ish boots that do NOT match the dress. Need I say more...