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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Let the Dating Begin, Episode 2

Harrison delivers the news regarding individual dates. If you get one, pack your bags buddy because if she’s not feelin’ ya, you’re outta here!
First fella to pack up... William. He gets to make a “splash in Vegas.” This date meets my approval for many reasons. William is my front runner at this point, and I’ve been to Vegas 4 times and it is more enjoyable with each visit. I love the city, I love the man, I love the show. They drive off in a hot convertible as the others stand and watch...except our Bentley. He stands with his back turned. Strike one, chump!
They board a jet. Well at least it’s not another helicopter! Pretty sure that’s all she got to do last season...ride in a chopper.
Back at the house, Jeff is still in that stupid mask. It’s only week 2 and it’s already getting so tired!
Now the important part - the first individual date. First stop: cake shop. Yeah, baby! They are asked about wedding cakes. Uh-oh. Then it’s off to pick a ring. Awwwwwkward. William is such a good sport though. It’s that stellar sense of humor I love! Goin’ to the chapel - and we’re...... yeah yeah yeah you forgot your bouquet, Ash. This little joke has lost its charm. Will you love her, comfort her, yada yada yada let’s blow this pop stand! I must point out, though, that she said it was her best first date ever. Hmmm...I recall her saying something similar as she sipped pinot on a ferris wheel not too long ago. In your face, Bradley. Anyhoo. Next stop, Bellagio fountains. For me, the most spectacular sight on the strip. And they get to row out in the middle of the glory?!?! To a table for 2...on the water. WHAT?? Nice job, ABC execs! Some pleasant dinner conversation, some food I can only assume was outstanding cuisine, and a lonely rose at the other side of the table. It was no surprise that she offered and he accepted. And oh-my-gosh the fountain show began behind them! Yeah I believe that ferris wheel is now a distant memory. Thank you, Bellagio for making the date so super exquisite!
First group date: Constantine, Ryan M, Chris D, Ben F, Nick, Bentley, West, Lucas, Stephen, Blake, Matt, Ames. The boys head to Vegas. They seem more excited about Sin City than spending time with little Ash. One question - why would she meet them in Ellie Mae attire? She leads them into the Monte Carlo theater. There they were - America’s Best Dance Crew - the Jabbawockeez!! I love these guys!! Ashley and her flat flippin belly (yes, I’m J) rise from the floor. I’m not sure what the purpose was, but whatever. The guys were broken into 2 crews to create their own routine. With no help whatsoever. It’s just coincidence that the themes were wedding and rose ceremony. Noooo, that’s not the brain child of producers. Totally original. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to watch dancing of almost any kind, but I don’t get much out of watching amateurs. This part wasn’t magic for me. Both crews did just ok, but I was proud No Rhythm Nation won. West, Ben F, Bentley & the other 3 whose names I can never remember. They dance, then head to the pool for sliders and mini one-on-ones. West reveals the loss of his wife. Pretty serious conversation for a first private moment, but I’m proud he got it out. Top 5 for me.
Bentley’s interviews are becoming repulsive. He wants a rose to prove he’s “better” than the other guys. He talks about her body like she’s some random stripper. Then he has the nerve to say he wants her to “tickle my [bleep]...competition is the extent of my interest...she’s just not my type” ....strike 3, jerk! Although it was funny that he thanked her for giving him the LAST rose. He’s such a tool, so why do I find myself giggling at him? Or maybe I’m giggling at the fact that she’s too stupid and oblivious to see through it all. She’s playing the romance game and he’s playing the “watch me fool this chick, guys” game. He got the rose. He’s ready to go “bag this” and go play blackjack. Yeah, I pretty much don’t blame him.
The next date card arrives at the mansion. She leaves it to the toss of a coin. Mickey or JP? What a ripoff. Zorro is shocked he didn’t get a date or even a chance at one. Well golly jeez mister mask, do ya think you might ought to reveal yourself and appear normal?? So Mickey takes off. He goes in for a hug and leaves his tongue in his mouth. Atta boy! So every decision is based on the flip of a coin? Lame. Mickey wins an “anything goes” coin toss and he wants to know the last time she cried. THE LAST TIME SHE CRIED. Really, Mick? THAT’S what you use your hall pass for? He just keeps sliding lower on my list. They head to some random suite to talk. Once again, a story about someone dying. I’m beginning to wonder if one of the requirements to come on the show is to have a tragic past. Nonetheless. He gets the rose...on a coin toss. Appropriate. Then they head to the “beach” at Mandalay Bay. Colbie Caillat. Oh my goodness this show always gets the best musical talent!
Cocktail party time. Rain is falling and the guys are a little down in the dumps. JP is determined to steal her away. He wins a kiss on a coin toss. You go boy. The guys are being a little catty toward William. Jealousy for sure. Soul patch tries out some dance moves on her. Her fingers get caught in his ratty hair and they retire to the parlor. William steals her away. I admit, it’s one of my biggest peeves for those with a rose already to steal time away from those fighting for a rose. However, I love my sweet Will so I’m not going to bash him. It’s dog eat dog anyway. Man up, guys! If you don’t like it, step up.
Zorro creeps around waiting for his chance to reveal himself in a dramatic fashion. He chooses the stairwell. Nice. Not really. He starts the conversation by talking about his age, his divorce, his ICU stay, his long recovery...all due to a brain hemorrhage. I sympathize, I really do. But these depressing conversations are too much too soon. The moment is upon us...... here it comes...... the big reveal...... aaannnnnnndddd enter Matt. Dang it! His timing could not have been worse. Blah blah blah apparently boring conversation ensued after that because we cut straight to Ben C. Thank you Bachelorette gods! I’ve been so ready for her to give our sweet Cajun cutie pie a sit-down. Maybe land herself a heckuva recipe for gumbo, earn some beads or something. You know. The things you do with a NOLA resident. She learns he loves to dance. He expresses his satisfaction with the fact that the Bachelorette is her. Score one for Ben C!
William brags about the magic that was his wedding date and their dinner by the fountains. I would too, but the guys aren’t loving it. Bentley would rather be “swimming in pee” than stuck in William’s fantastic date. He contemplates ramming his tongue down her throat. Just so ya know, jerk - that isn’t as pleasant as it obviously sounds to you. Once again, he pulls a Bentley. He picks her up to carry her to the fireplace for the sole purpose of topping William’s kiss. Transparent to everyone except Ashley! Ugh she’s so dumb. Then in the interview he said the kiss started out good but “sucked toward the end.” Ok, he’s a big fat inconsiderate loser. So why do I giggle still? Probably because she’s such a dingbat that she falls for it all. Hook. Line. Sinker. She tells him about her “pretty good radar” (which is apparently on the fritz). There is an unspoken chuckle coupled with a vulgar thought going on inside his pretty head at that moment. We can all sense it.
Rose time! William, Mickey, Bentley - rest easy while the others squirm in their Fruit of the Looms...
Recipients
West - Aces!
Constantine - Yeah yeah whatever
Ryan P - You will grow to love this guy just as I do, Ash
Ben C - Sweetie pie stays
Nick - She’s determined to talk him into combing his hair and shaving the patch
Ames - She designing a new Ken doll and needs a model
Lucas - Hasn’t had a chance to discuss hair plugs for men with him
Jeff - Zorro? Really? Hmmm
JP - “That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout”
Chris - Boring choice, but maybe he’ll improve
Ben F - Well of course. How could you NOT pick him!
Blake - Seriously, who? He’s a dentist. That’s all I know.
Sayonara
Matt  - No rose for baby Matt. Did he really call Mommy (AGAIN) in his exit interview? See! I told you women don’t like Momma’s boys!
Stephen - Had to be the hair.
Ryan M - She discovered a Build-A-Bear near her mansion. No need for Ryan anymore.

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